1/8/13 10:19pm -1/9/13 2:27am
was that a question
without punctuation & spacing would it
really make it that hard to understand
an expressionless face may be more
unfortunate when it was first
introduced it may have helped
in accenting what was written after
spoken but now i don’t hear anyone
pausing for but was that a question
should never have to be asked
1/8/13 10:30pm – 1/8/13 3:07am
the memory buried alive
items you’ve attached meaning to
may fade from you slower than those
without, but all will fade just the same.
only through illusion does the memory
triggered appear to be above the
memory buried alive.
resting on fragments of last night to
make-up for this days dragging heels
puts us in no position to absorb.
1/7/13 2:34pm – 1/28/13 1:34am
the most fun you can have while thinking of your parents having sex
supposedly I was on purpose
or so I have been told
but I am not so certain
since she was nineteen years old
my father the dealer
was twenty-three at the time
from the cradle did he steal her
but sentenced for the first crime
how a jail turns out a father
that I will just never know
when most women won’t bother
with dates held over the phone
but between those calls behind glass
to the time he came & she went
they could not have been thinking fast
if true I was no accident
1/5/13 2:12am – 1/5/13 2:23am
only doubt him doubting himself
why would it stick around with you
doubting it ever having existed?
if you don’t believe in it the body
will shut down it’s drive to look for it.
nobody will ever care about what’s
yours as much as you do.
so why would they even try to pretend
if you dont?
there is irony hidden somewhere in the
man that doubts himself.
he may not always know what he
means, but let it mean nothing less.
not a step will be worth taking in any
direction by the man who doubts himself.
only doubt him doubting himself.
1/5/13 11:09am – 1/5/13 11:58am
the two children tested
from this morning to early afternoon
i’ve walked with both shoes untied.
there is no deeper meaning to be
discovered within these words.
stare at the surface and see the flight
of stairs i could have fallen down.
tripping on either shoe’s laces while
descending half-asleep.
see the two children tested sitting
beside me at the cafe.
i would not blame them for tying these
laces together when i make it so easy.
from this early afternoon to lunch
still i sit with both shoes untied.
there is no deeper meaning.
only shoes that fit just as well untied.
1/4/13 8:48pm -1/9/13 5:28pm
it was just handed to me
there are times like these where
i feel very sad.
sad because writing is the only thing
that makes me happy.
sad because it can be the last thing i
want to do too.
but i get to write, i don’t have to write.
i should only do what makes me happy
and when what makes me happy does not,
stop.
i can not reduce my words to anymore
than they already are.
it’s funny that an action that i claim
to love gives me the fullest enjoyment
upon finishing.
when the most basic acts i enjoy: sex,
eating, sleeping, all are spent hoping
the time during will pass slowly.
1/4/13 8:28pm – 1/5 /13 12:11pm
with sundays off
i will become the poet laureate of the
united states of america.
even now i tremble as if my foot put
down is my acceptance.
i tremble for the walk i will have to
many times put this foot down.
i neither know or care if my spelling
of laureate is correct.
if i were you i would laugh at me.
if you were me you’d work monday
through wednesday & i’d work thursday
through saturday with sundays off
12/29/12 2:50pm – 12/12/13 12:21pm
would you like a bag with that?
(seventeen days shy of a year)
(only doubt him doubting himself iii)
“whether or not he or she would like a bag is not
the answer worth having.
whether or not i have a bad memory or am not listening is
the question worth asking.”
-c.l. swann 2013
i
“would you like a bag with that?”,
i asked knowing full and well
the absurd short-term would take
the answer and never tell:
two times
iii
could be that i saw his lips mouth
the single word he was saying
but when it came to reading them
my attention wasn’t paying:
thirty times
iv
or did i ever even ask
or am i psyching myself out?
my second guessing turned a third
while casting shadows of a doubt:
ten times
“watching a man lose his mind to a bag”
-c.l. swann 2013
12/28/12 4:46pm – 12/29/12 3:25pm
a gradual fracturing
i can feel this left leg breaking once more
only this time slower than it did before
each & every step could be the wrong one
but a leg gone unused is as good as none
so I’m putting all my weight onto this mode
of transportation that always carried this load
hoping anticipation is the worst part
of gradual fracturing at only the start
12/27/12 2:33am – 6/5/13 11:36pm
had i loved you unconditionally II
I
had i loved you unconditionally
maybe i could have saved you
or maybe it had always been set in
the stone they just engraved you
II
you didn’t leave me much a choice
when you wiped your feet with me
you thought i’d lay beneath your door
while turning eyes so blindly
III
it was peeking over your shoulder
when you wanted it behind us
it’s not your fault you weren’t forgiven
damn whoever designed us
IV
i would not attend your funeral
& have not visited you yet
but when it’s finished i’ll offer this
for both forgiveness & forget
i & ii
still i blame it for not coming to me
that kind of love that stays so easily
if we’d shared blood i’d have acted quicker
damn our water for not being thicker
iii & iv
even if you had been a well-behaved you
who i wasn’t back then could not have braved you
now i must ask the mother that made you
where it is exactly that they laid you