the blow of the right unfolding – 11/30/12

11/30/12 12:36pm -11/30/12 1pm

the blow of the right unfolding

this left sleeve has put up a good fight.
my patience, tested, is ready to put to
bed any business unfinished.

the right has been nothing but a model
of perfect behavior.
it’s folds remain in place as they’ve
been told to do.

i keep recalling the right as i frustratingly
finish & begin again with the left.
only left wondering how i got it right
on my first attempt.

retracing the mold leaves me with a cheap
imitation to display.
the blow of the right unfolding is softened
after coming to terms with the left.

thinking about blinking – 11/29/12

11/29/12 3:41am – 12/9/12 12:04pm

thinking about blinking
(celebratory signal)

everything that the desensitized
present is i am, but also everything
that I am against.
i do not find shelter in it’s comfort or
comfort in it’s shelter
i do my best to fight these bouts of
micro sleep.

to think of all the lives i’ll have lived if
i can just rid myself of these eyelids.
these same eyelids allowed to shut at
sight of uncomfortable moments,
but most times do not.
these same eyelids that can not help
but blink when the sound of clapping
appears.

even this celebratory signal is enough
to send me into a fit of strobing reality.
this involuntary action may be
all that’s left relating us to those who
have come before us.
to remain feeling organisms we must
retrain ourselves.

no longer can we hold open eyes for
the indifferent to blow air into.
we must choose these moments to rest
our eyes.
when faced with picturesque moments i
will struggle against the body’s
involuntary will to overt eyes.

my rubber neck – 11/28/12

11/28/12 5:48pm

my rubber neck

there is a fire outside and i don’t even
care to test my rubber neck.
think of the lives in need of saving
because i am not.

the smell of smoke has not reached me.
the pangs of hunger are of more
concern

where i find my next meal that’ll hold
me off until the one after is at the
front of my lobe.
surely someone will stop to help them.

quick fading moans – 11/24/12

11/24/12 1:19am – 11/24/12 1:47am

quick fading moans

we started together, but now i’m alone
she finished first with quick fading moans

i tried to keep up with my eyes on the goal
now anything’s better than this toilet bowl

i’ve turned another piss into an excuse
to finish the job she’s left me to do

her scent stays with me as a constant reminder
that once i was close, but now i must find her

an ugliness about her – 11/19/12

11/19/12 12:59am

an ugliness about her

thought i heard knocking against my bedroom door.
could it be my mothers come to end us all?
maybe she’s finally had enough.
the flip-side of the coin tells me that
she’s being generous not leaving me
around to deal with her body.

there has always been an ugliness about her that
has nothing to do with her demeanor.
a permanent shadow cast in front of her nature.
i know her unwillingness to express anger
& frustration is all leading up to a single act of
black-out madness.

all i can do is keep my door locked until then.
will i let her in?