eating for two for now – 10/30/12

10/30/12 11:02pm -11/11/12 12:37pm

eating for two for now
(a stair for each month)

the bed you wet has not yet dried
& already others laying at your side
you’re taking turns rubbing faces in the wet
it’s how you’ll learn ready does not mean set

go & play nice; don’t you be rough
no more pushing now; enough is enough
go & play nice; don’t you be rough
no more guessing how many stairs is enough

the baby fat you still call yours
forms another after melting from your pores
seed that you scattered sprouts from her soft skull not yet closed
creating matter from what is usually disposed

go & play nice; don’t you be rough
no more pushing now; enough is enough
go & play nice; don’t you be rough
no more guessing how many stairs is enough

enough is enough

a tanline to remember – 10/29/12

10/29/12 12:44pm -11/3/12 8:59pm

a tanline to remember
(a lawn of hair)

years & not a day has passed without
wrist being associated with watch until
all I’m left with is a tanline to
remember it.

this hasn’t stopped habit from forcing
my face to it’s previous whereabouts.
an arm lays outstretched.
shortening sleeves that would have
covered it.

only a lawn of hair stares me back.
the hour that I think it is not so.
in times like this I look to old sayings to
find comfort, but it can’t get easier
with time while living without it.

each bite thirty times – 10/27/12

10/27/12 2:25am -10/27/12 5:06pm

each bite thirty times

how long can i keep these methods of
starvation up?
eventually being a human will become
eating is the only thing in this world
that I have to do, but for some reason
or another i’ve allowed myself to think

my ability to create shows wear much
faster when this mindset sits with me.
is it really worth it just to avoid slight
pronunciations in the folds of my

please promise me you’ll allow yourself
at least this one element of humanity.
& when you do take that first bite
taste the weight that’s lifted rather
than what will be converted into pounds.

make peace with your body instead of
turning a cold shoulder to hunger.
chew each bite thirty times for
yourself before swallowing what’s
been spit into your mouth.

all the things that can end me – 10/25/12

10/25/12 2:12am – 10/25/12 2:53am

all the things that can end me

the only way around it would be to cut
them out all together.
even still you can never account for

i must save all of this so if I do go
there will be proof of my foresight.
an uneasy gift to accept at times.

this feeling of the tunnel’s end growing
nearer only compels me to write more
this is the knowlege that my minds
voice is telling  my own fortune & the
future seems bleek.

maybe not these words, but words
that come from the same place will be
my last.
actually put the word your stepping
over in a sentence man!
to die doing what i let happen.

i had yet to save any of this and was
overcome with the fear that i would be
killed before i could.
this fear transformed itself into the
belief that whatever it is that’s trying
to end me will cease it’s pursuit if i
save these words before it gets to me.

i’ve locked more than one door since then,
but it’s me that it’s in.

first thought – 10/25/12

10/25/12 1:15am

first thought

say the first thought that comes to
your head
recycle, recycle, recycle, recycle
try & figure out why it’s what you

what was it doing in there?
was it waiting for me?
at the top of the stairs
for me to explore me?

roll your eyes into the black
until you trace it back

take a moment for your eyes to adjust
repressed memories settled into the dust
motivating forget by laying dormant
where he may spontaneously combust

echoes not of this earth
from a life before me
attached at rebirth
hoping I would ignore me

let the others interact
until you trace it back

second only to sleep – 10/25/12

10/25/12 2:21am – 10/25/12 3:36am

second only to sleep
(what the third tells me)
(will power’s whispers)
(there’s comedy to be found)

masturbation has proven to be the only
act that i truly look forward to.
in all reality i’ve wasted more time on it than
anything else in my short lived existence
second only to sleep.

it is a struggle even now to invest myself in these words
when there is the looming urge to go do what i’ve already done twice today.
maybe all the time spent was meant to lead up to these
words at this very moment.

ridding any guilt of my pleasures.
in a way validating my actions.
there’s comedy to be found in keeping up traditions.
or at least that’s what the third tells  me as it calls above my will power’s whispers.
to write about masturbating to keep from masturbating.

human nature discredits – 10/25/12

10/25/12 4:16pm

human nature discredits

do you ever feel like you’re sabotaging
i’m writing material that others will
say discredits anything i’ve done before
& will do after.

i pray that one day somebody will cut
out their eyelids so they may finally see.
after you’ve finished reading what i’ve
had to preface burn it & tell no one of
what i’ve shared.

i would be no happier having their approval,
but human nature has a way of creeping up
on you.

medically induced slumber – 10/23/12

10/23/12 11:23am

medically induced slumber

i got a broken leg for my eighth birthday.
they put me under to perform a surgery
that would set my bones.
i counted backwards from ten out loud
and made it to three before they took
my mind. off. of.

i still wonder if i never awoke from my
medically induced slumber.
what seems like thousands of days could
be seconds passing while a man shapes
flesh into my left leg.
if i repeat my injury i may come to.

a second surgery might wake me from
my first.
waking to find the seventeen years that
have passed were really the product of
an eight year old boys influenced imagination.

if all of this is true don’t pinch me.
it’s a suitable alternative to collecting dust.

i – 10/22/12

10/22/12 1:03pm


for some reason i..prefer to not use “i” in my writing,
but will almost always wind up doing it anyways.
maybe it’s my body making itself aware of patterns i fall into.

to not use “i” is falling into a pattern in itself.
when all of your work is based on yourself how can you
avoid using “i”?