a heavy blink – 7/3/13

7/3/13 10:26am – 7/3/13 11:28am

a heavy blink

the first time i woke this morning the digital clock read 6:15am.
instead of staying awake i closed my eyes for what i thought would be a heavy blink.
by the time my lashes had run back & forth to my bottom lid & back up again
my time-keeper secondly spoke 8:30am.
i told myself, “this is pretty close to the time you would have been leaving this morning
to join her & her family for the beach if you weren’t so..”.
before i could finish calling myself selfish i was for the third time facing numbers and they read 9:45am.
i knew it was a stupid rule i’d sprouted to trick my mind alone, but it made me feel good waking before 10am.
it doesn’t matter how late i stay up the night before; something about sleeping in makes me feel gross inside.
and apparently at some point i’d decided the definition of sleeping in was to wake any time after 10am.
i just felt that my days started better when i was awake to see 9:59am turn to double digits.
without realizing it because we never do i was opening my eyes for the fourth time to a clock that said 10:26am.