had i loved you unconditionally – 12/26/12

12/26/12 8:13am – 12/27/12 2:53am

had I loved you unconditionally

you never come to me as more than a
passing thought.
so why now after all this time?
you, someone that i called close.
you, that will not be coming back.
you were my first introduction to
you made me aware of mortality.
were you not sent here to do so?

after you left what grudge is there
left to hold onto?
how can i stay mad in memorial?
so far i’ve refused to say goodbye
or celebrate the good.
i am ashamed of my presence
not made at your funeral.
no respects paid to a mother who was
& still is to you somewhere.

had i loved you unconditionally maybe
i could have saved you.
but only so many footprints would fit
on this body before it became obvious a
doormat is what you were after.
you asked for forgiveness when i had
none to offer.
& now that i do it must be used to forgive
myself for not forgiving you soon enough.